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Big Brother Luxury

Imagine an all-seeing, all-knowing force, constantly watching over you. It knows what you like, what you don’t like, where you’re from and where you’re going, and precisely where you are at all times. Sounds rather perfect to us.

It’s a surprisingly large leap between four and five star service at a luxury hotel. There are lots of hotels out there that are just nice, but the properties at the very top of the heap seem to have a rather eerie power. It’s as if the staff can read your mind—scratch that, they seem to know what you’re thinking even before you can think it.

A woman might call your room to help just as you’ve been having difficulty dialing the phone. A car is waiting outside your door before you’ve even decided you want to go out. Take a few minutes to adjust to the creepiness factor, and stop searching for hidden cameras in your suite. There was no brainwashing treatment necessary for us to fall in love with these prescient properties:

Ngorongoro Crater Lodge, Tanzania
Meet your butler on arrival—he’ll do everything from waking you up in the morning to drawing your bath. You arrive back from your day in the crater craving your favourite drink and lo and behold it’s already poured for you, condensation only just beginning to form on the glass.

The Nam Hai, Vietnam
You’re just rounding the far corner of the infinity pool and an attendant has already picked up on which specific lounger you’re eyeing. By the time your beach bag hits the deck, towels have been expertly unfurled, and an ice cold water is in your hand to refresh you after that long walk.

La Casona, Peru
All the formalities of a hotel experience have been stripped away (front desk, check-in procedures, name tags) leaving you to feel as though you’re staying with family at an incredibly well run home. And who knows you better than your brand new family?

Amansara, Cambodia
We have a soft spot for all the Aman properties, but this one really takes the service up a notch. Return to the hotel unannounced at any time of day, and you will be greeted with a huge smile, and find a full bath (still hot) awaiting you in your room. The part we really can’t explain is how the bath instantly began to drain itself when we stepped out of it.

Soneva Fushi, Maldives
When you arrive you’ll be paired with a small handful of staff who will take care of you throughout your stay—both in the villa and out on the property. Even though there are 65 villas on the island and over 400 staff, you will always see the same faces who know just the right angle you prefer your chair back tilted to.

The Cape Grace, South Africa
This place gets it. Everyone from the GM on down can be as covert (or as overt) as you need them to be. The staff at the Cape Grace will make almost anything in Cape Town happen for you depending on your interests, including a private sail on the hotel’s own yacht.

Amy Smithers no longer fears that she’s being followed, due to the fact that she is obligated to draw her own baths at home.

There was no brainwashing treatment necessary for us to fall in love with these prescient properties.